it is ryan miller writing to you from the international airport located here in scenic newark, new jersey.
ahhh, sweet new jersey.
we are about to begin the second leg of our “lost and on tour forever tour 2000” in east lansing, michigan. that is exciting, i think. the first half of the tour went well- there were good times and there were bad times. the bad times: cancelling our florida shows, losing my voice in my home state of texas, and our bus driver chester’s chronic halitosis.
the good times: the palladium show in worcester, seeing the grand canyon for the first time, shooting our first rock video (co-starring the penultimate crush of my teenage years, ione skye), friendship, and in-and-out burgers (animal styles) in los angeles. mmmm….. cardboard fries. but perhaps the greatest moment of the last six months occurred just a few minutes ago. let’s watch……
i was in the newstand across from gate 32 in the newark, new jersey airport. we brian and i had arrived early (!) and i was in desperate need of some intellectual stimulation. of course, i immediately reached for the “jane” magazine with miss monica lewinsky on the cover. (“Monica’s post-Bill sex life! Hint: It’s not Al Gore!”) Fantastic!!!! perusing the pages (“Non-ugly Cd Holders!” “Ten Hot New Ways To Do It!”), i came upon the second to last page and lo and behold!! there was our ubiquitous press photo!!!! this is text, verbatim:
(the section is called “Deal With It”)
the headline reads:
“Problems solved here: a sister’s cyber affair, your own grueling breakup and (no shit) GUSTER’S WEIRD-ASS DREAM”
(editor’s note: about 4 months ago, Dana, our publicist, asked us for a real-life dream that she was going to have analyzed by some magazine. i had a one, a dream, so i sent it to her, not knowing it’s final destination….)
“In Your Dreams by Dr. Belisa Vranich”
“I’m working at a store in a big green field. Vermont, I think. A car pulls up and a father gets out with his three grown children. There is an older daughter, a middle daughter and a younger brother. The children ask if i want to play soccer. We kick the ball around, then i recognize the middle daughter as Milla Jovovich, who starred in the film The Fifth Element. She and I break away from the others, and she looks at me and says, “Your upper body is fine, but you have chicken legs.” Then she kisses me on the cheek and runs away. This is true. I promise. – Love, Ryan Miller lead singer of Guster.”
“Gee, you’re really screwed up. Just kidding. It seems as though you feel like things are being dangled in front of you, then taken away because you’re not worthy. It’s sort of sad that the “perfect being” (as Milla was called in The Fifth Element) humiliates you for your poultry physique. My guess is that you are pretty trusting, playful guy, and you often feel insecure about what you can offer. The green field symbolizes possibilities, but you feel out of your league. The sisterly kiss represents your frustration over not being taken seriously. I suggest you take on your insecurities and stare them in the face till their not so daunting- or go to the gym and do more leg work.”
Wow! Armchair psychoanalysis about ME in the pages of (i’m told) a very popular magazine for teens, tweens and young adult women! Woo hoo! I’m “insecure about what i can offer!” I need to “take on my insecurities and stare them in the face!” Neato!
Definitely a carreer pinnacle. You heard it here first.
See you in Michigan, Michigan.