Monthly Archives: December 2000

12.21.00 – Off the road diary

hello all. ryan miller here.

well, that day has finally arrived and after sixteen months on the proverbial “road”, we have ended phase 19 of our professional musical career (touring to support lost and gone forever) and begun to enter phase 20 (writing songs for our next album, “mump camp”***).

morale is high at the moment as the last few months with the naked ladies were productive, enjoyable and fattening. for those who are interested, i have constructed a convenient list to explain what is both good and bad about being off of the road:

good things about being off of the road:
1) beds are now stationary
2) we don’t have to hear “happy frappy” screamed at us every night
3) cheaper phone bills to mom

bad things about being off of the road:
1) no road- no road diary

yes, ’tis true. if we are no longer touring, a daily (ha!) summary of our exploits is no longer appropriate. but fear not, ye gusturds! we have a solution:

the guslog.

now that we are in one place most of the time and i don’t have to fight pasty for the only phone line in the hotel room, i have once again entered the world of internet things and stuff. the guslog (at least until we get tired of doing it) will now function as a way for us to get attention now that we are not able to stand in front of amplified microphones every night (“i have a microphone and you don’t and you will listen to every goddamn word i have to say!”).

so be a dear and come on in.

i even set up a free email account so you net-savvy can offer suggestions: rellimmnayr@hotmail (it’s ryan m miller backwards! genius!).

see you on the log.

rm

***not actual album title

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12.12.00 – Oldsmobile no longer a car company; Guster still a band

I was looking for a rehearsal space today when I heard the news: GM To Phase Out Oldsmobile. My instant reaction was mixed, a combination of “yup, that’s what you get when you fuck with Guster” and “yup, you fuck with Guster and that’s what you get.” But there was also a nagging feeling that it was inappropriate to celebrate the loss of thousands of jobs.

And then, slowly but surely, the conscience went away. Like it always does. And I wondered if this was how Abraham Lincoln felt when the Emancipation Proclamation was issued. I wondered if this was how Davey felt when he… umm… did whatever he did to Goliath. I wondered if Eddie Vedder felt this good when the walls of Ticketmaster came crumbling down last year. Or, was that just a dream?

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12.07.00 – Detroit MI

last night of the tour. with most of the crowd stuck in traffic, the members of the barenaked ladies joined us on stage during “either way” wearing just socks and underwear. not like boxer shorts. briefs. tighty-whities, except they were black. tighty-blackies. and steve had a can of soda down the front of his pants. adam said he caught a glimpse of steve’s package when he took the can out. had he used the industry standard cucumber-wrapped-in-foil he may have been able to remove the object more smoothly, sparing adam. neither of us could play with our usual vigor for the rest of the show. all five of them were standing in front of my kit, flexing. clearly, the set peaked during either way.

we tried to think of some way to retaliate during our joint encore of “do they know its christmas?” what if we pelt them with mac and cheese from short-range as we take the stage? what if we go out there wearing briefs? where does one find tighty-blackies? what if we tape wine glasses to our dicks and go out there naked? ah, but then where would we hang our in-ear-monitor transmittors so we could hear ourselves? what if we wore belts to hang the transmittors? is anyone else having a hard time getting the wine glass to stay on?

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12.04.00 – Indianapolis, IN

During the intermission following our set we always go out to the arena lobby and schmooze with people, offering up the chips, salsa, cookies and other expendables from our dressing room. Accustomed to meeting people who insist they’re worthy of a road journal entry, I brought the digital camera with me this time and I made those who requested to be in it send me emails to post next to their photos.

The first guy asked if I was responsible for the road journal and I noticed that the green face of Andrew Jackson was staring at me from between his fingers. I explained that Guster’s road diary is a merit-based equal-opportunity institution, not open to bribery, but then he said the money was for two of our discs he burned off Napster. So I took it and put it in my pocket.

1) CHIP REHM

Hey, my name is Chip Rehm and I am one of the contestants from Indy for the road diary. I was the guy with glasses and wearing a puke green life vest looking jacket. I was also the guy that gave you the twenty bucks because I felt bad that 2 of your cds I own are burned, because they are 2 of the greatest cds I own. I was gonna go buy them in a store, but I knew most of my money would go to the record company, who doesnt deserve it. I hope you use the 20 bucks wisely, like buying a few more frisbees so the next time one flies into a pond none of you will have to go in after it. Or hire a detective to find out who shit in your bus. Thanks a lot and keep up the good work. Your music makes this world a little better place to live in.

The second contestants were wearing creative homemade t-shirts, so they made the cut:

2) MARA SCOTT AND FRIENDS

hi guys, i was at your show last night and you took a picture of two of my friends and me (they were wearing “hoosier daddy” shirts and i was wearing the piggy tee). Bri (yes, i feel on a nickname basis) said that if we emailed him that the picture can go on the road diary!! can you do that, please? honestly i would pee in pants……..well, actually thats a lie. as much as i love you guys, my bladder control is still very important to me and my pants. anyway, you guys are amazing and would make my entire year if jen, kat and i made it to the road diary. thanks!
mwah!!
with undying guster love,
Mara Scott 🙂

This third guy wanted to do something special for his girlfriend on her 21st birthday besides feed her vodka shots. He thinks he is funnier than me:

3) MATT & KATY

This is Matt and Katy. Today is Katy’s 21st birthday. She wanted to go to a Guster rok concert, so I brought her. (I know what you’re wondering, who the hell would want to spend her 21st watching the Guster boys play their silly little acoustic guitars and bongos when she could be out getting toasted? Weird girl.) By the way, what happened to Ryan’s hair? Ummm, did the kid decide that since he’s become a big time rock star he can start using the flowbee again, or what? Another thing, this is my second time meeting this Guster band, and Ryan was wearing the exact same outfit. I know it’s a cool Crest t-shirt man, but even a small time pop rock band like you guys can afford more than one trip to the thrift store every year. (Another thing about Ryan: he bears way too much of an uncanny resemblance to Gene Wilder for me. I’ve been having Oompa Loompa dreams for the past week. Change the picture, I beg you.) Well, that’s all for now. If you guys out there in Road Diary land want to hear more commentary from yours truly, please flood the Guster inbox with requests. Include as your subject: “Matt is funnier than Brian.” E-mail: guster@earthlink.net
Always and forever,

Matt and Katy (the biggest Guster geeks at the University of Dayton)
Thank you Mr. Rosenfrawerthal. I hope you can get us on your Road Diary.
It would mean the world to Katlyn on her 21st birthday.
Love,
Matt and Katy

Final editor’s note: If I get ONE email with that bloody subject I’ll yank this road journal from the website so fast it’ll make your heads spin. And I’ll take the god damn guslog down with it.

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