04.18.04 – Carbondale

In the foreground, drum tech Sean Lynde at work. In the background, a row of twelve port-o-potties — the only shitting facilities available to you when you play college parking lots. At least the Gusbus pulled in bright and early to set up, giving us first crack at the goods before the students were allowed in to destroy them with beer shits and vomit, and as I stepped off the bus en route to the combat zone, Adam confirmed that they were all fresh on his way back. All fresh except the one Adam chose, that is.

I decided to avoid The Brown Room on the right, even though it was bigger (wait a minute, aren’t they *all* brown rooms?) — there was something I didn’t trust about it, and I thought Adam might have gone there. Then I noticed that one of them was a designated women’s port-o-potty… I knew this because there was a picture of a person wearing a skirt on the outside of it, and only women wear skirts.

Women being cleaner than men, who sometimes enjoy a good seat-pissin’, I chose it instantly… but on the inside it didn’t look any different than the regular non-gender-specific potties I’d seen. There was a deep dark hole full of blue water (and Adam’s turds, I swear to God, he chose the same one), and there was a spider web full of flies because some really smart spider had set up shop in there, knowing full well he’d catch himself a veritable cornucopia of insects who attempted to enter the hole for some shit-eatin’.

I kept searching for something in there that might have been specifically designed for women. You know, like maybe a bolted-down seat or a fly-covered tampon disposal box or something… but there was nothing. I think someone just arbitrarily put a sticker of a person in a skirt on one of the port-o-potties. So before I left, I turned around and pissed all over the seat.

No, I didn’t.

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