Ever notice how the Gusters seem to have a new bus driver every tour?
Except for Michael Stook, who remained in our good graces for two full years during the Lost & Gone Forever era, most of our drivers have been One Tour Wonders. Donnie probably would have had a nice run with us last year if he hadn’t “mysteriously disappeared” in the middle of the tour. Everyone else pretty much sealed their fate when they thought it was cool to leave the cruise control on at 75 mph around sharp turns while we tried to sleep (sometimes in our bunks, sometimes in the hallway we’d get tossed into).
Enter our latest driver, Chris. Chris is a quiet man who walked on the bus and proceeded to shake our universe by its roots. He took a sheet of wire screening, cut a small piece out with scissors, and placed it in the toilet. We call it The Shit Colander. You’re still not allowed to take a crap on the bus. But our guests think twice before making a solid contribution to the bathroom. The rules (NO POOP, NO PAPER) are now implicit and you need not post them or even state them. A certain member-of-Guster-who-will-go-unnamed-but-who-had-a-hard-time-singing-Ramona-the-next-night even paused for a moment of consideration before puking in the toilet, thanks to the simple new device.
The best part about the Shit Colander is that it eliminates the splashback problem for those of us who pee standing up. Funny how you can get used to certain things, like grabbing The Piss Towel from the rack next to the toilet and wiping the urine beads off your legs every time you finish peeing. Like, that’s not a normal thing to have to do, right? We’ve been doing that for 5 years. Thank you Chris. You’re our driver.
The Shit Colander