04.06.06 – East Lansing, MI

About a half hour before our scheduled National Biodiesel Fuel Press Conference today in East Lansing, Adam hit his head on a tampon dispenser in the bathroom while getting up from taking a crap, requiring a trip to the Michigan State Infirmary and four staples in his head.

There are two tragedies here.

1) We lost our one articulate spokesman at the press conference. Ryan stepped up to the podium and did his best to talk about renewable energy, alternative fuels, and making a difference in your community, but the one guy who actually knows what he’s talking about was getting his bloody scalp stiched up.

2) I’m like a pig in shit today. All I could think about during the press conference was writing this road journal. I know it’s wrong, but I feel the way Jon Stewart must have felt the day he walked into the office and learned that Dick Cheney had shot his 78-year old hunting buddy — no one died, and it’s just good clean fun. Lots of it. If I had Ed Helms standing by I’d ask him “did Adam Gardner really take a crap and then cut his head open on a tampon dispenser today” and Ed would take on a grave tone with his wonderfully redundant response — “Indeed yes, Brian, I’m here on the scene in East Lansing where Guster guitarist Adam Gardner has apparently sliced his head open on a tampon dispenser in a bizarre bathroom accident, all a mere half hour before he was scheduled to speak at the band’s big press conference on biodiesel fuels.”

We have so many angles to explore. This is the scene of the crime:

And this is the blood on edge of the tampon dispenser:

While scouting out the bathroom for a possible Road Journal Video Re-enactment of the incident, Ryan and I had a hard time even reaching the tampon dispenser with our heads. Curious. Very curious. And what was Adam doing in the women’s bathroom to begin with? And if he reached up and held his head after the contact was made, did he even get a chance to pull his pants up from his ankles, or was he waddling around, bottoms down, covering his head and checking for blood while tripping over himself and cursing the tampon dispenser?

So while Adam was getting his head stapled at the Michigan State Infirmary, the tension was building outside at the press conference where Ryan was brushing up on his knowledge of biodiesel while the local East Lansing media readied their cameras and notebooks.

Ryan hangs with the mayor of East Lansing before the press conference.

The gentleman on the right is a soybean scientist.

In case you’re wondering, Ryan opened with “Our other singer, who set this up, couldn’t be here today because he cut his head open on a tampon dispenser a little while ago.”

Adam’s Frankenstein head. Bring him purple hearts (or throw tampons at him) this week at the shows in the midwest, not just because he’s playing through pain but because his band didn’t sound so intelligent today at the press conference he set up. My one line was: “The message that’s sent when a band like Guster switches to biodiesel fuel is that alternative energy is realistic, available, and affordable. You don’t have to be a very big band to use biodiesel… you don’t even have to be a GOOD band.”

When taking token photos for press, it is best for your shirt to match the color of your fuel-pumping gloves.

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