Monthly Archives: December 2006

12.17.06 – Chicago, IL

So if any of you Scooter-for-a-day contestants had been Scooter late on Friday night, you would have found yourself at The Wieners Circle in the Lincoln Park section of Chicago. They have good food, but they’re most famous for verbally abusing their customers, who are drunk, and who have been known to ask for the “chocolate milkshake” (NC-17) even though it’s not on the menu. I like the fries.

Ordering food there is an intimidating experience, especially for an out-of-towner, but I was determined to get through it without being heckled. I stepped up and commanded a char-dog with everything on it and fries. I didn’t stutter. I took half of the stuff they put on my char-dog off my char-dog, but it was better than trying to communicate a custom order in that environment. I didn’t forget to tip, mostly because they said it was “five dollars, and six with the tip.”

So young Scooter goes up to the counter. It’s scary. He’s nervous. At the Wieners Circle there’s always a crowd of drunk people watching you. I imagine it’s not unlike performing at the Tufts Spring Fling. Scooter ordered a hot dog, looked up at the menu, added cheese fries to his order, paused, and while still looking up at the menu said “and a cup of water.”

He actually tried to order a water at the Wieners Circle. The reaction was immediate and merciless. “You cheap-ass motherfucker, you come in here and ask for a water!? Don’t I look busy to you? Get the fuck outta here!” The other Wieners Circle employees chimed in and formed something of a chorus — “a goddam water!? who? cheap-ass motherfucker!” Even the cook put down the tongs and turned around to throw a couple of insults Scooter’s way. Scooter was flustered. He still had his signature ear-to-ear grin going on but his body language was clearly uncomfortable. He was backpedaling and looking around the room for help. He might have mumbled “I’m just as God made me.”

On Saturday I told a bunch of people that I went to the Wieners Circle the night before and they all said “oh that place is great” and usually added “did you order the chocolate milkshake?” When I said my friend Scooter asked for a “cup of water” they all instantly laughed and thought that maybe he did it on purpose. Like when we were in college and we’d end up at a diner in Davis Square called “Dolly’s” that was only open from 11pm to 5am… when you asked to use the bathroom at Dolly’s they’d lead you through the kitchen to a trap door in the floor where you’d go down a ladder into a little dungeon with a toilet. It was bizarre and every time we went to Dolly’s someone would inevitably ask “do you guys have a bathroom” while the rest of us laughed. That’s not what Scooter was doing at the Wieners Circle. He was just being a cheap ass motherfucker.

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12.13.06 – Scooter For 1 Day

I should be writing about the 17-minute acoustic set we played on the side stage of the Hartford Civic Center last night, right before American Idol loser Chris Daughtry sang his heart out on the main stage, but believe it or not there are more pressing matters at hand.

After a couple months of watching homemade videos ooze their way onto the internet, we can finally declare a winner for the “Scooter For A Day” contest we held on YouTube. In a nutshell, the winner gets an all-expense paid trip for two on our January cruise to Turks & Caicos with Barenaked Ladies under the guise of taking over for Scooter as drum tech for a day.

I want you to know that the decision was not easy, and that we didn’t take it lightly. We watched every single video. We laughed, we cried, and we were forced to listen to songs that we wrote 15 years ago. For instance, Joe asked me “what’s that one old song I heard that had a great riff and a cool verse and then suddenly took a terrible emo turn at the chorus?” That song is “Love For Me,” Joe — and you’re right. It was sounding great until everything fell apart at the chorus.

I need to stay on track. We took the decision seriously, even calling in legends from the past like “Pasty” to weigh in. And it was a close vote. So we’re adding some runner-up prizes into the mix.

The 1st place winner will go on the cruise with a friend. In the event that the 1st place winner cannot fulfill his/her duties as Scooter for a day, the runner-up will be expected to step in, just like when Vanessa Williams posed for Playboy and relinquished her Miss America crown to someone else.

So here are the top 8, in reverse order. Everyone below will get free tickets and backstage passes to a show of their choice this spring. Thanks for all the effort, everyone. How about a round of applause for all our contestants!!

8th place: RENA

7th place: ALF

6th place: TOP DOWN 5

5th place: JANE

4th place: BUNNIE

3rd place: ANDREW DEAVER

2nd place: DENISE COOK

1st place: JEREMY P

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