Monthly Archives: February 2007

02.20.07 – Boxing For Boobs

There were a lot more people at our shows in Orlando and Atlanta this weekend than there were in Charleston South Carolina on Thursday. But it was the Charleston show where I was reminded that my band has officially “made it” —

I remember the days when we wouldn’t have earned an equal font size on the marquis up against an event like Boxing For Boobs, which, by the way, is real. To enter you have to be a woman between the ages of 18 and 36, you have to have no professional boxing experience, and you have to weigh in between 100 and 150 pounds (insert New Image Camps joke HERE). You have to bring your own boxing gear.

If you advance, tournament-style, beating up woman after woman until you reach the final match, you are “boxing for boobs” because the winner gets a free boob job. Not on the spot. You get like, a coupon for the surgery. A reliable source has informed me that the last two winners were boxing for boob reductions. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yes. Same font size on the marquis. We rule.

So we worked up a six-man version of “Brazil” for this tour, and it’s been steadily improving every night. It was written in 1939 as “Aquarela do Brasil” and it’s been covered by a lot of dead guys. Jimmy Dorsey. Frank Sinatra. Chet Atkins. Django. We’re basing our arrangement on it from Geoff Muldaur’s version, which was the theme song to the movie Brazil from the 80s. Muldaur’s a Boston guy, very much still living, and Ryan somehow found him over email to tell him we’d worked it up from his rendition for this tour. He responded (!)…

Hey Ryan…

Feels nice to have spawned.  You and your band mates must be slightly deranged to have chosen to do Brazil a la Pottery Pie… so for this I am encouraged about the future.  Take care and enjoy.

Best wishes,
Geoff

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

02.13.07 – Seattle, WA

Thanks to Dan from Pennsylvania for sending me this internet ad for New Image Camps.

Disclaimer: I’m all for self-esteem… Weight loss is a difficult and brave thing to achieve… At New Image Camps in the Poconos, you form bonds that last a lifetime.

The only thing that surprised me about seeing a Guster t-shirt in a fat camp advertisement was that we were somehow in the vibrant “after” photo. If Dan from Pennsylvania had asked me if I’d seen the fat camp ad where the girl is wearing a Guster shirt, I would naturally assume that Dan from Pennsylvania was making reference to a situation where our shirt was in the pathetic “before” shot, where the person looks sad, acne-ridden, and disproportionate. Where the person is photographed in unflattering light and happens to be wearing my band’s t-shirt.

You might say this general fear-of-the-before-photo signifies a self-esteem problem of my own. Distinctly possible. But first I’ll suggest you check out the Top Ten Most Shocking Makeovers from “What Not To Wear” on The Learning Channel, where a woman named Melissa wore her Guster shirt on television and then went from tomboy to dashing diva overnight. Look:


BEFORE: Melissa, an N.Y.P.D. officer, chooses to dress just like her twin when she’s not walking her beat; problem is, her twin is her brother. She hides herself in oversized men’s clothes and wears pants that are at least two sizes too big for her. Melissa has a huge collection of lumpy sweaters, and her hairstyle mostly consists of a ponytail.


AFTER

Disclaimer: The NYPD fights crime on the streets and is not concerned with matters of consequence like fashion… I appreciate that Melissa is just trying to use her moment on TV to give my band a little plug… I’m all for the soft, manageable style that comes from layering hair, and I’m all for adding fine highlights to create dimension.

But when is there going to be a glorious Guster t-shirt moment in the media? When is Cameron Diaz going to be caught getting out of a limo wearing her teathered green Guster llama t-shirt and no underpants? Why couldn’t Sting make a statement at the Grammys by going with the bright blue “Love Guster, Don’t Eat Them” shirt with the enormous pink pig cartoon on the front of it?

I am getting an uncomfortable feeling about where this road journal might be headed. It’s the “oh no, in order to end this journal entry how I want to, I might have to sacrifice my entire morning” feeling. I am going to go away for a little while.

I am back. I am woozy. I would like to introduce a new road journal segment called Thundergod Attempts Photoshop:

Time Elapsed: 1 hour, 52 minutes
Photoshop Tools Used: Just about all of them
Curse Words Uttered: Fuck, Shit, Shitfuck
Computers Thrown: 1
Graphic Design Friends Called and Internet Help Sites Referenced: 0

Triumphant End Result:

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized