Thanks to Dan from Pennsylvania for sending me this internet ad for New Image Camps.
Disclaimer: I’m all for self-esteem… Weight loss is a difficult and brave thing to achieve… At New Image Camps in the Poconos, you form bonds that last a lifetime.
The only thing that surprised me about seeing a Guster t-shirt in a fat camp advertisement was that we were somehow in the vibrant “after” photo. If Dan from Pennsylvania had asked me if I’d seen the fat camp ad where the girl is wearing a Guster shirt, I would naturally assume that Dan from Pennsylvania was making reference to a situation where our shirt was in the pathetic “before” shot, where the person looks sad, acne-ridden, and disproportionate. Where the person is photographed in unflattering light and happens to be wearing my band’s t-shirt.
You might say this general fear-of-the-before-photo signifies a self-esteem problem of my own. Distinctly possible. But first I’ll suggest you check out the Top Ten Most Shocking Makeovers from “What Not To Wear” on The Learning Channel, where a woman named Melissa wore her Guster shirt on television and then went from tomboy to dashing diva overnight. Look:
BEFORE: Melissa, an N.Y.P.D. officer, chooses to dress just like her twin when she’s not walking her beat; problem is, her twin is her brother. She hides herself in oversized men’s clothes and wears pants that are at least two sizes too big for her. Melissa has a huge collection of lumpy sweaters, and her hairstyle mostly consists of a ponytail.
Disclaimer: The NYPD fights crime on the streets and is not concerned with matters of consequence like fashion… I appreciate that Melissa is just trying to use her moment on TV to give my band a little plug… I’m all for the soft, manageable style that comes from layering hair, and I’m all for adding fine highlights to create dimension.
But when is there going to be a glorious Guster t-shirt moment in the media? When is Cameron Diaz going to be caught getting out of a limo wearing her teathered green Guster llama t-shirt and no underpants? Why couldn’t Sting make a statement at the Grammys by going with the bright blue “Love Guster, Don’t Eat Them” shirt with the enormous pink pig cartoon on the front of it?
I am getting an uncomfortable feeling about where this road journal might be headed. It’s the “oh no, in order to end this journal entry how I want to, I might have to sacrifice my entire morning” feeling. I am going to go away for a little while.
I am back. I am woozy. I would like to introduce a new road journal segment called Thundergod Attempts Photoshop:
Time Elapsed: 1 hour, 52 minutes
Photoshop Tools Used: Just about all of them
Curse Words Uttered: Fuck, Shit, Shitfuck
Computers Thrown: 1
Graphic Design Friends Called and Internet Help Sites Referenced: 0
Triumphant End Result: