Monthly Archives: March 2007

03.28.07 – Winston-Salem, NC

Today is the first day of Campus Consciousness Tour #2. Newsweek magazine is here to write about green touring, and I’m praying they don’t print the corny photo they just took of the four of us holding a biodiesel hose and feeling awkward. Ultimately, they should just put a picture of Adam in their magazine, as he’s really stepped it up on this tour — in addition to the eco-village, the energy offsets, and the biodiesel fuel, this time around we have corn-plastic cups, rechargeable on-stage batteries, spoons made of 100% biodegradable potato starch, and a bunch of sleek aluminum water bottles from Switzerland that will help us reduce our plastic consumption by 50%:

We’ll use Josh’s aluminum bottles in the photo to give him as much glory as possible, since the powers-that-be on The Tonight Show broke his heart Friday with their camera-blocking decisions. Every time the keyboard riff in “Satellite” came around they showed mysterious disembodied fingers tickling the ivory, and only once did they pan back to show actual-human-musician-with-feelings Josh Cohen, playing his heart out, and wearing Adam’s sweater because we made fun of the “Hebrew school plaid” shirt he wanted to wear. We’re monsters. Horrible controlling monsters.

Josh’s disembodied arms

Getting back to the matter at hand, though — aluminum water bottles with argyle patterns from Switzerland — it didn’t take long for us to initiate a game on the bus where you sneak up on someone and strike their bottle with the edge of yours, Luke Skywalker-style, to create a big dent in it.

Gordon’s dented water bottle

And it didn’t take long for us to realize that the inside of our bottles smelled like paint and metal chips and industrial Armageddon — we gave Adam a hard time about it, as this was all his big idea and therefore everything must be executed perfectly and immediately without any obstacles or hang-ups whatsoever. Adam proceeded to grab a nearby cleaning utensil to demonstrate just how easy it is to clean out the bottle…

As you may have guessed it was later revealed that Adam was cleaning his drinking bottle out with a toilet brush (true story!) — which means it may be time to break out the old Guster fecalscope, a high-end magnetic resonance tool, available only to our band, that was once used to scientifically prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Joe’s phone, which fell into the toilet, was covered in shit. The brown spots on the x-ray reveal areas where fecal material may not be visible to the human eye, but exists nonetheless.

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03.13.07 – Home Eating Mallomars

This is a special off-the-road edition of the road journal. I was at home, eating Mallomars and filling out my NCAA basketball tournament bracket the other day when I noticed something odd — the championship game was being played April 2nd, which is a show night for us. In and of itself it’s not so weird to have a concert the same night as the NCAA finals. Our fans aren’t particularly jock-ish, and while we play a lot of colleges, the fanbase isn’t collegiate to the point where we can’t draw a crowd up against a big college basketball game. We’re worse off every time we book a show on Pesach.

But the show April 2nd is in Lawrence Kansas. Lawrence Kansas, Lawrence Kansas… I know this one… why is this weird… college town — Oh God, the University of Kansas Jayhawks are the #1 seed in their bracket, 30-4 on the season, and Sports Guy Bill Simmons has them picked to win the finals. Shit. Game time 9pm. Guster set time 9pm. Who booked this show?

If we’re in Lawrence Kansas the night that the Jayhawks win the NCAA tournament, not only will I have a flaming car flipped over on my head by a jubilant wasted freshman, but we’ll be playing to a room of 12 angry people who drove from Colorado Springs, or Omaha, and can’t get a drink because there’s no one working the bar. Honestly I doubt the show would even happen. We’d spend the night hiding on our bus playing Nintendo Wii basketball and hoping no one tipped us over. Here’s our starting five:





And here’s our bench, because we have a crew beyond Scooter, they just don’t get much website glory :





So that’s why my bracket has a shocking upset in the Sweet 16, with the Crusaders of Holy Cross pulling off a miraculous victory over Kansas, followed by a nice spike in ticket sales for our show at the Liberty Theater on April 2nd. Go everyone that’s playing the Jayhawks!

LATE P.S. — I just discovered April 2nd is the first night of Pesach, too. How awesome is that.

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03.01.07 – Annapolis, MD

That’s our band, backstage with a 7-week old golden retriever puppy at the Ram’s Head Tavern in Annapolis Maryland, where we had an afternoon show today. Have you ever tried playing music to a crowd while there’s a 7-week old golden retriever puppy in the room? It’s not possible. No matter how loud you play, no matter how abusive you appear to be to yourself, you are no longer the center of attention. If puppy were to waddle up on stage during the show to visit the drummer, I would stop what I was doing, put down the sticks, and pet the puppy. Naturally. The other members of my band would turn around to see what happened to the beat, notice the puppy, and likewise put their instruments down to play with him. The show would be over. People would leave, but only if the puppy left first.

Even Scooter, who is the drum tech equivalent of a puppy, can’t compete with such a powerful force. Not even while holding Capitaine Crounche cereal up for the camera. We’re over your schtick, Scooter, with the oversized basketballs, Dippin’ Dots, and Canadian bilingual cereal boxes. It’s puppy-time.

Years ago, very much aware of the power of the puppy, we devised a brilliant, cash-cow-of-a-t-shirt that would help us crossover into the world of fashion alongside Puff Daddy, Wu-Tang, and Hillary Duff…

The Guster fashion revolution began with this legendary piece of merchandise… a cute puppy with a bow around its neck, under a christmas tree, with our band’s name clearly visible in the upper left corner. It is no longer for sale but hopelessly still in stock. The puppy shirt was the worst-selling Guster t-shirt of all time, with the exception of course of this one:

The Thundergod shirt, featuring yours truly in a burning ring of fire. And now it all comes full circle. Scroll back up to that photo of Guster with the golden retriever and you’ll notice that there’s still one person out there wearing the Thundergod shirt.

Wait, two people. My dad wears his to the gym.

Irony. Here I am after the DC show with the guy that made the Alf video in the Scooter For A Day contest. Check out our blurry t-shirts.

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