03.28.07 – Winston-Salem, NC

Today is the first day of Campus Consciousness Tour #2. Newsweek magazine is here to write about green touring, and I’m praying they don’t print the corny photo they just took of the four of us holding a biodiesel hose and feeling awkward. Ultimately, they should just put a picture of Adam in their magazine, as he’s really stepped it up on this tour — in addition to the eco-village, the energy offsets, and the biodiesel fuel, this time around we have corn-plastic cups, rechargeable on-stage batteries, spoons made of 100% biodegradable potato starch, and a bunch of sleek aluminum water bottles from Switzerland that will help us reduce our plastic consumption by 50%:

We’ll use Josh’s aluminum bottles in the photo to give him as much glory as possible, since the powers-that-be on The Tonight Show broke his heart Friday with their camera-blocking decisions. Every time the keyboard riff in “Satellite” came around they showed mysterious disembodied fingers tickling the ivory, and only once did they pan back to show actual-human-musician-with-feelings Josh Cohen, playing his heart out, and wearing Adam’s sweater because we made fun of the “Hebrew school plaid” shirt he wanted to wear. We’re monsters. Horrible controlling monsters.

Josh’s disembodied arms

Getting back to the matter at hand, though — aluminum water bottles with argyle patterns from Switzerland — it didn’t take long for us to initiate a game on the bus where you sneak up on someone and strike their bottle with the edge of yours, Luke Skywalker-style, to create a big dent in it.

Gordon’s dented water bottle

And it didn’t take long for us to realize that the inside of our bottles smelled like paint and metal chips and industrial Armageddon — we gave Adam a hard time about it, as this was all his big idea and therefore everything must be executed perfectly and immediately without any obstacles or hang-ups whatsoever. Adam proceeded to grab a nearby cleaning utensil to demonstrate just how easy it is to clean out the bottle…

As you may have guessed it was later revealed that Adam was cleaning his drinking bottle out with a toilet brush (true story!) — which means it may be time to break out the old Guster fecalscope, a high-end magnetic resonance tool, available only to our band, that was once used to scientifically prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Joe’s phone, which fell into the toilet, was covered in shit. The brown spots on the x-ray reveal areas where fecal material may not be visible to the human eye, but exists nonetheless.

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